C+

I miss my blog…   I have used it often to go back and check timelines, feelings, etc…   But wow, these days, it’s not often at all that I have time to just sit down and do anything that is on the personal side of life.    Between working a more-than-fulltime job (in a very demanding industry) and raising 3 kids (ages 6, 3 and 1), life isn’t about blogging, scrapbooking or making cookies (unless the kids are somehow involved.)  Given I work a lot, the time spent directly “with” the kids is so important to me.  Even when I use my phone to FB, I feel horrendously guilty…   It’s so nice to share, given I have little time to correspond with friends/family outside of social media – but I hate being on the phone when the kids are around me.

 

I am tired.  Most of the time, I am completely worn out.  But I was raised to give 110% at whatever you do – so that means work, home, play, etc…  and this leaves me often times wondering how on earth I am ever going to get through these years.  At the same time though, I wouldn’t trade these kids (even during the tough times) or my job (and feel like God gave me talents to be used)  so there really is no reconciling the situation.  But I do feel like I am not the mom I wish I could be – giving more to them, more often – AND I pray for the ability and wisdom to be more patient and calm.  We are under so much stress in our lives that it’s easy to “snap back” or respond with frustration vs. just simple love and understanding.  I think Joe and I balance each other well, and we are often able to give the other a “mental” break from a situation when it’s obvious the other one isn’t in the right state-of-mind to best handle a situation (so thankful for this!)  And I also know we are MUCH more patient than we ever would have been, had we entered into this 3-kid adventure 10+ years ago.  But…  I still feel like we have a long way to go.  

 

Our friends once told us that going from 2 kids to 3 kids is a lot of work…  and they were right.  You can’t ever just each focus on a kid.  Someone is always left out, and it seems the oldest one, naturally takes on more burden to “help.”   We try to so hard to give each kid attention, love and “alone” time with each of us.  But man, it’s hard…  something I doubt we will ever be satisfied with, in terms of grading ourselves in this area.  I give us a C+ at best.

 

We love these kids SO very much…  and want them to be respectful, kind, loving and hard-working.  We want them to love God and lean on each other (given we are going to be too old to remember who they are in a few years!)  J  We pray over them each night – asking God just to walk with them and protect them in their lives.  I just want them to be all He intended them to be…  it’s a big job knowing it’s up to us to help turn them into the little adults they are meant to be.  So…  if you have some time to send some prayers our way, whenever you think about it – Joe and I would certainly appreciate them!  We certainly feel blessed in our lives and wouldn’t change where we are – but it doesn’t mean it’s an easy journey to travel!  J